So it turns out that the gal in the 2 BR, 2BA basement apartment on Speer wants the upstairs unit since I lowered the price. Her name is Valerie and she's a nursing student. Her parents in Phoenix send the rent check every month. I saw her briefly one day recently, heading out for snowboarding. She is this 24-year-old, has this dark hair and white complexion, a sexy, raspy voice and a little silky Yorky dog named Fred. She's moving in already. I figured she would move out of the basement anyway, since i needed to start charging her utilities.
So now I am advertising for the basement and I now realized it was stupid to raise the rent $50 a month after putting $4k in cash to fix it up when the mortgage is underwater, and I had a really good tenant, but that's OK. Because Lakshmi and Parvati area always with me saying, it's all an illusion. Just keep playing the game. Amor Fati. That's what it's all about. The gods are watching this lovely play that you are a star in.
And that's what it is. As I sat in the staff meeting about what to do about my daughter, who we realize that her learning disabilities are emotional. I do believe, all the chaos of my husband's death, finding a father for my daughter and son that led to financial disaster, and now once again on my own in desperate need of a housekeeper because the ants have found the honey mess in the armoire. She just needs a safe place and a lot of love and then she can start to learn. So that's all anybody needs.
The other day I cleaned out the whole kitchen. It was a mess, the ants were coming. I had the kids pull everything out. I bought Mr. Clean scrubby sponges and I attacked it with a lot of loud music and a good six pack of Fat Tire and other things, but that's for a later post. Cleaning is wonderful, mindless. When you are creative and think a lot and expend a lot of energy creating, pure physical exertion is a fantastic counterpart. Moving mindlessly with motions of clean in hand. I got a special tile brush from Target to get into the cracks and get the filth out. Any lingering self doubt and fear. It's gone. I got down on the floor and scrubbed. I put a big cloth down and used my feet to clean the filth off the floor. I felt confident, fine. I figured the landlady would appreciate it. Just like I appreciate the tenants on Speer and Arvada taking care of my property. I was focused in the transcendent rather than duality, because that's where Lakshmi and Parvati area all hanging out and it's good to see them there. It's a nice feeling to be there. There is a deeper reality that sustains you. You go there when you lose everything and you say, "Ah! I was such a coward, and now I am free!" And you can do anything and things just kind a work out because you have shifted your focus from doomsday negative to this life is fucking fantastic and I can create anything I want to so let's go. Let's get serious. Let's say it's a wonderful life, all of it. All the mess and screwy stuff and betrayal and loss and love and ALL OF IT. And you might as well start some kind of a revolution, now that you see so clearly what and how you are. And you just stand by and watch and love your kids and friends and have a good time cleaning because it's going to change and you will be on to the next scene for the Gods who are watching you and writing your script that you are too creating as you participate in with your thoughts, word and deeds.
The kids are at Opa's house tonight. In order to have two nights alone, I have to go and buy $84 groceries, then drop then at my dad's in east Boulder. It's a lot of work. But it's great to have the time just to write, just to watch a movie in peace, just to have no responsibilities for one day. For yesterday the kids went riding their bikes down to the school and Alejandro called to say Paloma fell off her bike and I had to walk all the way down there and get her. And that was OK. I loved charging up the hill again pulling Paloma on her bike. I commended Alejandro for helping his sister. I said we are getting good exercise and what else is there in life? And today Paloma wore flip flops and insisted that her Converse tennis shoes were in a backpack left at school, and when I found them in the closet I ran them down to the school because today was the Fun Run. No more track and field day at school like when I was a kid and got lots of blue and red and yellow and green ribbons. But run for fun. And that's it. So I did. I ran her shoes down to her and she ran in them rather than flip flops. That's all I can say. That is what I live for and that is why I don't care about all that has happened to me. Love is in the flip flops.
So now I am advertising for the basement and I now realized it was stupid to raise the rent $50 a month after putting $4k in cash to fix it up when the mortgage is underwater, and I had a really good tenant, but that's OK. Because Lakshmi and Parvati area always with me saying, it's all an illusion. Just keep playing the game. Amor Fati. That's what it's all about. The gods are watching this lovely play that you are a star in.
And that's what it is. As I sat in the staff meeting about what to do about my daughter, who we realize that her learning disabilities are emotional. I do believe, all the chaos of my husband's death, finding a father for my daughter and son that led to financial disaster, and now once again on my own in desperate need of a housekeeper because the ants have found the honey mess in the armoire. She just needs a safe place and a lot of love and then she can start to learn. So that's all anybody needs.
The other day I cleaned out the whole kitchen. It was a mess, the ants were coming. I had the kids pull everything out. I bought Mr. Clean scrubby sponges and I attacked it with a lot of loud music and a good six pack of Fat Tire and other things, but that's for a later post. Cleaning is wonderful, mindless. When you are creative and think a lot and expend a lot of energy creating, pure physical exertion is a fantastic counterpart. Moving mindlessly with motions of clean in hand. I got a special tile brush from Target to get into the cracks and get the filth out. Any lingering self doubt and fear. It's gone. I got down on the floor and scrubbed. I put a big cloth down and used my feet to clean the filth off the floor. I felt confident, fine. I figured the landlady would appreciate it. Just like I appreciate the tenants on Speer and Arvada taking care of my property. I was focused in the transcendent rather than duality, because that's where Lakshmi and Parvati area all hanging out and it's good to see them there. It's a nice feeling to be there. There is a deeper reality that sustains you. You go there when you lose everything and you say, "Ah! I was such a coward, and now I am free!" And you can do anything and things just kind a work out because you have shifted your focus from doomsday negative to this life is fucking fantastic and I can create anything I want to so let's go. Let's get serious. Let's say it's a wonderful life, all of it. All the mess and screwy stuff and betrayal and loss and love and ALL OF IT. And you might as well start some kind of a revolution, now that you see so clearly what and how you are. And you just stand by and watch and love your kids and friends and have a good time cleaning because it's going to change and you will be on to the next scene for the Gods who are watching you and writing your script that you are too creating as you participate in with your thoughts, word and deeds.
The kids are at Opa's house tonight. In order to have two nights alone, I have to go and buy $84 groceries, then drop then at my dad's in east Boulder. It's a lot of work. But it's great to have the time just to write, just to watch a movie in peace, just to have no responsibilities for one day. For yesterday the kids went riding their bikes down to the school and Alejandro called to say Paloma fell off her bike and I had to walk all the way down there and get her. And that was OK. I loved charging up the hill again pulling Paloma on her bike. I commended Alejandro for helping his sister. I said we are getting good exercise and what else is there in life? And today Paloma wore flip flops and insisted that her Converse tennis shoes were in a backpack left at school, and when I found them in the closet I ran them down to the school because today was the Fun Run. No more track and field day at school like when I was a kid and got lots of blue and red and yellow and green ribbons. But run for fun. And that's it. So I did. I ran her shoes down to her and she ran in them rather than flip flops. That's all I can say. That is what I live for and that is why I don't care about all that has happened to me. Love is in the flip flops.
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