Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Of Rainbows and returning to the Core

In Mythic Yoga, I have become aware of my breath and my core of late. Listening deeply to the body, I am uncovering the root of some fears. That nausea I wake up with - no - not pregnancy! Just the stress of my ex having the house being foreclosed on and realizing that I may never get paid and that may lead me to bankruptcy. And the fact that my son needs CAT scans of both his feet, which cost, at a 50% discount for having crappy insurance, I kid you not. $2,500, plus the orthotics will be around $500 and my daughter has an auditory learning disability, and twice-a-week tutoring is $635 a month. Overwhelming? Yes, absolutely. Especially since I'm a single, widowed mother and I don't have another adult to rely on or confide in. But there is a magic key to all this - Yoga. My dear friend and League of Yogic Storyteller member, Kathy, told me, "You are living proof and continually demonstrating that this stuff works!"
Yes, I haven't freaked out too bad, run away, killed myself or anything. I'm just present. I've returned to a more intense yoga practice, drawing back into the core of my body, that third chakra area, building up strength and reliance on the Self. Warrior poses, even Warrior III. Half moon pose, half moon pose with a twist. side angle poses. I want to sweat, move, return to the creator and realize all fear is from the ego mind. Don't forget (and of course I do!) But you return to the core.
And then there is the breath. Always returning to the breath. It's truly relaxing. So Hum. I swear that mantra shuts off any fear and negativity and calms me instantly. The body truly is a container of safety when you open up to it and have a relationship with it. The miracle of doing yoga and contemplating one's story and issues and symbols is truly amazing, the premise of Mythic Yoga. I did boat pose, a wonderful third chakra pose, and the flash of insight came to me that "I am my own Lifeboat." Surely it's true that the Self and Source never leaves you. You are never truly alone. There's that Christian story of about how the footprints in the sand, and then there are none, "Because I carried you."
I very calmly and lovingly worked with my daughter on her homework last night. It's scary how far behind she is as she enters the fourth grade. My son is loving middle school and is self-sufficient there, and I gladly edit his writing and teach him that way. I loved making them breakfast, getting them ready and then walking my daughter with our little dog in the parade of the neighborhood each day to school. I wonder if truly, all trauma is a gift: It forces you to be intensely present. What else is there? No more comfy idleness that allows you to wander into the past or the future. With that, I take great comfort in writing this, working on my own Mythic Yoga, building my core, and finding a beautiful rainbow yesterday outside. As the most amazing thing happened, in that there was an email glitch and I wasn't receiving emails inquiring about my work! And there were lots of them! So despite some intense obstacles, I always prevail. Why? Because I have yoga, meditation, and the ability to tell my story.
AMEN

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