I had a dream of my late husband, Frank. I was in this enormous house of sorts, and I saw him. He was dressed up either as the clown in Il Pagliachi or as the Tin Man as a homemade Halloween Costume, but he had the box outfit and a pointy hat and some make up on his face. I was really happy to see him, unlike other dreams in past years where I dreamed he had faked his death and it was a feeling of, "Oh, NO!"
I called him over and said, "Frank! It's so good to see you! Look! Here are your children! Both of them!" And Paloma and Alejandro were standing there, but he was ashamed or embarrassed and didn't want to come over. I woke up crying.
I didn't tell my children about that dream. I didn't want to upset them. I went about my day, which was doing the Mythic Yoga Retreat. It has been intense and wonderful. Doing my bliss. It has been raining every single day and it's wonderful, however, Speer flooded again. I did not call the tenant back but just referred Tom to call them.
Finally when the retreat was over, I packed up the kids to take a mini vacation to Manitou Springs. I packed up and cleaned the house. I instructed the children how to do it. I channeled their father in that he taught me that you clean the house so that you never have to come back to a dirty house. Take out the garbage so that it's not stinking. Run the dishwasher. There was a lot of work to do and I enlisted the kids' help. I said you don't want to end up having a house like Opa's. Alejandro got angry. He didn't want to do it. Paloma stood by my side in the kitchen helping, yet Alejandro continued to resist. I told him he would stay at Opa's if he did not help. He finally helped and got in the car angry.
Time went by before he cried. "I'm just so angry at Dad for abandoning me like this." I can see how at this age of 11 he really needs a male figure in his life. I'm sure he is cursing his life that he lives with his Bohemian artist mother. How I wish he could see that we live here in this Boulder place for him, so that he can go to a good school with his friends. I told him then about the dream. We talked a little about things.
"It is a bummer. But I'm sure Dad is embarrassed about what he did. It's OK. He just had a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I'm sorry he's not in your life, but I am signing you up for the Boulder Junior Rifle Club." I taught him that all that anger isn't going to do anything but rot your heart out, so it's better just to talk about and get it out. It's called house cleaning, I told him. "From the inside out."
And now we are in Manitou Springs, Colorado. Hanging out at a Super 8 motel which is kinda dumpy but it's cheap and we could bring our dog. Kids don't care. They love the pool and the TV and I can sleep and read and write and later we will head downtown for a little bite to eat. Our little family of three.
I called him over and said, "Frank! It's so good to see you! Look! Here are your children! Both of them!" And Paloma and Alejandro were standing there, but he was ashamed or embarrassed and didn't want to come over. I woke up crying.
I didn't tell my children about that dream. I didn't want to upset them. I went about my day, which was doing the Mythic Yoga Retreat. It has been intense and wonderful. Doing my bliss. It has been raining every single day and it's wonderful, however, Speer flooded again. I did not call the tenant back but just referred Tom to call them.
Finally when the retreat was over, I packed up the kids to take a mini vacation to Manitou Springs. I packed up and cleaned the house. I instructed the children how to do it. I channeled their father in that he taught me that you clean the house so that you never have to come back to a dirty house. Take out the garbage so that it's not stinking. Run the dishwasher. There was a lot of work to do and I enlisted the kids' help. I said you don't want to end up having a house like Opa's. Alejandro got angry. He didn't want to do it. Paloma stood by my side in the kitchen helping, yet Alejandro continued to resist. I told him he would stay at Opa's if he did not help. He finally helped and got in the car angry.
Time went by before he cried. "I'm just so angry at Dad for abandoning me like this." I can see how at this age of 11 he really needs a male figure in his life. I'm sure he is cursing his life that he lives with his Bohemian artist mother. How I wish he could see that we live here in this Boulder place for him, so that he can go to a good school with his friends. I told him then about the dream. We talked a little about things.
"It is a bummer. But I'm sure Dad is embarrassed about what he did. It's OK. He just had a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I'm sorry he's not in your life, but I am signing you up for the Boulder Junior Rifle Club." I taught him that all that anger isn't going to do anything but rot your heart out, so it's better just to talk about and get it out. It's called house cleaning, I told him. "From the inside out."
And now we are in Manitou Springs, Colorado. Hanging out at a Super 8 motel which is kinda dumpy but it's cheap and we could bring our dog. Kids don't care. They love the pool and the TV and I can sleep and read and write and later we will head downtown for a little bite to eat. Our little family of three.
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