It happens just about every night that I wake up early and start obsessing about Speer. Then I move angrily to Justin, and how the hell did I allow this overweight, fast-talking, 6'5" man talk me into all that he did? How on earth did I just let him borrow $50k of my home equity in the Arvada house, then not pay it back because he over stated the value of his house, then say, "You own $50K in this 31st street house!" And then I end up dumping another $50k into it, $10k of which he told me on March of 2007 that it will go into foreclosure unless I pay up! And then to get that money back, I had to get married him to save the Speer property that was in foreclosure because he didn't pay! And then he decided he would go into real estate instead of finishing the house, and that I would support him while he did that and battled his first ex-wife, Catherine, in arbitration, etc. because he had broken all his agreements with her.
And then the Speer property was financed when the hey dey of loans, just tell them anything and they will give you 80% loan to value on it! So it's drained of equity, rents don't cover the mortgages, all adjustable. So in the end I am so sick of it, drained of cash, do not trust his big fat lies, tired of his psycho children (his daughter would burn holes in my daughter's furniture, so envious she was of her, or draw on my children's baby pictures, then tear them up and bury them in the back yard.) His son would go into psychotic screaming fits.
So I was in love you could say. Stupid in love in search of family healing. I'm convinced he was stalking me all along, because Justin 's brother-in-law, Roger, was a salesman at Stevinson Toyota in Lakewood, and Justin told me that Roger called him that day that I came in and paid cash for a brand new 2004 Toyota Sienna XL, with leather seats, dvd, sunroof, extended warranty. The works! He said, "I met this widow today who paid cash for this Toyota van you wanted. YOu should give her a call." Well guess who ended up with my mini van in the divorce? Justin? And Roger's wife, Justin's sister Jill, has my furniture. We gave it to them in exchange for a "lifetime supply of shoes," and I was promised I would get them back if we broke up. Well I got one pair of shoes and I didn't get my couches back. I envision that they get violent knee pain every time they look at the couches, but I'm sure that happens anyway without my hex. The same way that I channel my anger into the Mini van and seeing it van blow up. But i see that that is all wasted energy now. Justin is doomed to live in fear, debt and denial his whole life. My lawyer and I met with the judge for contempt of court because now he is has allowed 31st street to go into foreclosure, as he agreed to pay all the mortgages, taxes and insurance since Nov. 08 and has not!
So I rented the little Speer cottage. I gave up trying to fix it up myself and just hired Tom to do it. It's really cute with new paint and door, etc. I weeded out front. The new tenants come soon. I raised the rent on Ken so he left. I felt kinda bad and fearful, but I had to! It's just business. I am meeting somebody today. It will be vacant for a month, so Tom is getting in there to refinish the hardwood floors, paint and a new front door. So badly neglected the property did Justin do. IT will cost me a lot, but what else can I do? I can't even refinance it because get this, I was on social security as my income to get the properties I own, however, when I married Justin, that went away. So now you can't refinance! so i have to wait two years, as I am trying to get back on and then also keep making my business work!
I get fearful about the economy and such, but I just program myself to force myself to think positive. That my work has value, that all this crap story of mine has inspirational meaning for somebody. That you just keep following your dream no matter what. This isn't about money, this isn't about anything but art. Do I want rental properties? Hell no! I'd rather be focusing on my art and kids rather than showing the place. But I think God wants me to have rental properties, because I do. And get this, I can't even walk away from them because since Justin took the equity out to pay off his debts, I am stuck with the taxes! He lied to the poor girl last in the cottage who rented. He said utilities were something small, but with electric heat, they were like $280 a month! poor thing! He is a terrible liar. He lied to me, and why I believed him and how I settled for such a screwy separation agreement I will tell in another post. I will tell you how my dead husband tried to warn me, and how hard it is to raise two children alone as a widow. So I'm in it for the long haul and I will fix it up, I will succeed at it, my business will explode and i will support myself as an artist.
I stopped by my father's house because he was having pain in his leg. And it's back to that I can't live there because it would kill him. And of course kill me. It's so filthy and shocking horrible and the time and effort and money to fix it up, it's not possible. So that makes me focus even more. On nothing but success and love and the goodness of my work. That yes, i could save $2,500 a month living there, but what price sanity? For my kids, for me. And the beautiful thing is that this morning a freelance writer asked for my materials to review. Imagine that! I just need some more good press and things will be fine. And I use my powers of the universe to create with my thoughts. Even Mehul Acharya, this guy in India who is promoting my work, says that. So he's working away at things. I rent this house in West Boulder, and that's nice. Because I have two houses I can barely handle now. And if something breaks down, I just call the guy. Although it's a bit disappointing because the fireplace isn't working and it's still cold outside, snow this morning! And the garage door isn't working!
And now I have a Mexico trip plan, and swine flu is breaking out! Oh, well. It's all good. Everything will be find and don't worry. That's Lakshmi, the goddess card I drew from the deck.
I had fun yesterday buying a new pots and pan set and a new hamster home for Paloma's pet Opal. It was fun setting it up with her. Then her tutor was upset with me that I didn't want to put her on ritalin for her ADD, and then I was worried again that she can't learn or something. And then I realized that all I have to do is show up in the moment and everything is all right. Everything is just hte way it's supposed to be. I have learned the value of money, how to say, "I CAN'T DO THAT, and protect myself and my assets. Justin was a vampire, plain and simple. And for some reason I attract them. Like a mother caring for wounded children. Trying to heal the wounds of my own father and mother.
So I have blind faith to live by and that is all I can say.
And then the Speer property was financed when the hey dey of loans, just tell them anything and they will give you 80% loan to value on it! So it's drained of equity, rents don't cover the mortgages, all adjustable. So in the end I am so sick of it, drained of cash, do not trust his big fat lies, tired of his psycho children (his daughter would burn holes in my daughter's furniture, so envious she was of her, or draw on my children's baby pictures, then tear them up and bury them in the back yard.) His son would go into psychotic screaming fits.
So I was in love you could say. Stupid in love in search of family healing. I'm convinced he was stalking me all along, because Justin 's brother-in-law, Roger, was a salesman at Stevinson Toyota in Lakewood, and Justin told me that Roger called him that day that I came in and paid cash for a brand new 2004 Toyota Sienna XL, with leather seats, dvd, sunroof, extended warranty. The works! He said, "I met this widow today who paid cash for this Toyota van you wanted. YOu should give her a call." Well guess who ended up with my mini van in the divorce? Justin? And Roger's wife, Justin's sister Jill, has my furniture. We gave it to them in exchange for a "lifetime supply of shoes," and I was promised I would get them back if we broke up. Well I got one pair of shoes and I didn't get my couches back. I envision that they get violent knee pain every time they look at the couches, but I'm sure that happens anyway without my hex. The same way that I channel my anger into the Mini van and seeing it van blow up. But i see that that is all wasted energy now. Justin is doomed to live in fear, debt and denial his whole life. My lawyer and I met with the judge for contempt of court because now he is has allowed 31st street to go into foreclosure, as he agreed to pay all the mortgages, taxes and insurance since Nov. 08 and has not!
So I rented the little Speer cottage. I gave up trying to fix it up myself and just hired Tom to do it. It's really cute with new paint and door, etc. I weeded out front. The new tenants come soon. I raised the rent on Ken so he left. I felt kinda bad and fearful, but I had to! It's just business. I am meeting somebody today. It will be vacant for a month, so Tom is getting in there to refinish the hardwood floors, paint and a new front door. So badly neglected the property did Justin do. IT will cost me a lot, but what else can I do? I can't even refinance it because get this, I was on social security as my income to get the properties I own, however, when I married Justin, that went away. So now you can't refinance! so i have to wait two years, as I am trying to get back on and then also keep making my business work!
I get fearful about the economy and such, but I just program myself to force myself to think positive. That my work has value, that all this crap story of mine has inspirational meaning for somebody. That you just keep following your dream no matter what. This isn't about money, this isn't about anything but art. Do I want rental properties? Hell no! I'd rather be focusing on my art and kids rather than showing the place. But I think God wants me to have rental properties, because I do. And get this, I can't even walk away from them because since Justin took the equity out to pay off his debts, I am stuck with the taxes! He lied to the poor girl last in the cottage who rented. He said utilities were something small, but with electric heat, they were like $280 a month! poor thing! He is a terrible liar. He lied to me, and why I believed him and how I settled for such a screwy separation agreement I will tell in another post. I will tell you how my dead husband tried to warn me, and how hard it is to raise two children alone as a widow. So I'm in it for the long haul and I will fix it up, I will succeed at it, my business will explode and i will support myself as an artist.
I stopped by my father's house because he was having pain in his leg. And it's back to that I can't live there because it would kill him. And of course kill me. It's so filthy and shocking horrible and the time and effort and money to fix it up, it's not possible. So that makes me focus even more. On nothing but success and love and the goodness of my work. That yes, i could save $2,500 a month living there, but what price sanity? For my kids, for me. And the beautiful thing is that this morning a freelance writer asked for my materials to review. Imagine that! I just need some more good press and things will be fine. And I use my powers of the universe to create with my thoughts. Even Mehul Acharya, this guy in India who is promoting my work, says that. So he's working away at things. I rent this house in West Boulder, and that's nice. Because I have two houses I can barely handle now. And if something breaks down, I just call the guy. Although it's a bit disappointing because the fireplace isn't working and it's still cold outside, snow this morning! And the garage door isn't working!
And now I have a Mexico trip plan, and swine flu is breaking out! Oh, well. It's all good. Everything will be find and don't worry. That's Lakshmi, the goddess card I drew from the deck.
I had fun yesterday buying a new pots and pan set and a new hamster home for Paloma's pet Opal. It was fun setting it up with her. Then her tutor was upset with me that I didn't want to put her on ritalin for her ADD, and then I was worried again that she can't learn or something. And then I realized that all I have to do is show up in the moment and everything is all right. Everything is just hte way it's supposed to be. I have learned the value of money, how to say, "I CAN'T DO THAT, and protect myself and my assets. Justin was a vampire, plain and simple. And for some reason I attract them. Like a mother caring for wounded children. Trying to heal the wounds of my own father and mother.
So I have blind faith to live by and that is all I can say.
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