The Queen has been away on a long journey. She has sailed the seven seas and gone far from the Kingdom. Disguised as a commoner, she sees new sights, new worlds, new possibilities. The old Kingdom seems to disappear; things shift. Dark cobwebs do not have any power over her any more. In fact, their power has lost its grip completely and any demons have vanished. The Queen remembers the court astrologer telling her one time, “Your Karma is done here.” Although she misses Prince Pepe dearly, something calls her to keep traveling, keep moving far, far away from her old world, and venture into the other half of her life in a new Kingdom far from the maddening crowd. This power she has achieved, this trust and having survived so much difficulty with the demons, she now realized that they were doing her a favor. Her battles with the demons have made her strong, so very strong and brave and fearless. She thanks the demons. She loves the demons and tells them so. They have taken her by the hand and have led her to the doorway out. They led her to a new Kingdom, to the Kingdom of faith and everlasting life.
I am at sea on a cruise ship, heading back from Cartagena, Colombia for Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. We have been on a two-week cruise. It was a much-needed escape. The winter was indeed hard and long. I was so grateful we missed several heavy snowstorms and I danced in delight in the warm, humidity on the first day of spring when we were in Mexico. My hair has body, my skin glows, my nails grow. Such earthly paradise!
There was so much moist green in Mexico, Guatemala, Panama and Colombia. Things grow here in abundance. Such a contrast from Colorado. Truly I feel an energy shift. It’s powerful. Like a release. I am free on an inexplicable level. Could it be the haunting of the past must be left behind? My traumatic childhood, my husband’s death? My ex-husband’s looting me? To let that all go. Pack up and leave. I feel reborn, as If a second half of life is opening up. And having the King in my life makes such a difference, too. A companion, a confidant, a lover. I don’t wake up panicked and stressed. There is someone by my side. This makes me feel more confident in myself than ever, as I have been alone most of my life, and now I am not.
Strangely, I have this intense urge to rid myself of possessions and wander freely. All the loss from my ex-husband’s real estate shenanigans, even ending up with my property, it no longer bothers me. What is loss? What is gain to the sage? In my life I have seen so much come and go, it just keeps coming and going, but I’m still here above to keep coming and going and be. You really don’t need much in life at all. The American Dream is a lie, a con, a farse. The materialistic capitalistic world cuts us off from our inner dimension in which everything is provided in joy. What power a wandering ascetic has, to own nothing, but his faith. Even a man on the corner, who lost his job, his sign reads, “Lost everything except my faith.” How I have been there several times before how true. Those demons and difficulties, they make your strong, faithful and powerful. Everybody should be so lucky as I to lose everything, for your find yourself in the process.
I realize how hindering it is to have things, keep up with them and keep them up. Before I married my first husband, most of what I owned fit in the back of a car. He convinced me otherwise, that it was a mark of success to own things, have a big house. With marriage to him my possessions exploded – furniture, tools, hardware, books, gym equipment, kitchen gadgets, cars, and all the stuff you need to maintain them. When he died I had a massive estate sale, got rid of half of it, but when the movers moved me to a tiny house they still said, “Lady, you have a lot of stuff.” I was horrified. I got rid of more stuff, But the handyman I hired to remodel the place called me a “clutter fuck,” I knew there was something wrong. Then I remarried, and a lot of my possessions were stolen by Justin or his mother and sister, which whittled things down a bit.
I realize now that most of my stuff is collections. I have this fascination with artistic artifacts that decorate my house: antique salt and pepper shakers, antique cameras, antique pins and buttons, antique books, indigenous weaving collections, a collection of incense burners which I gave to my father. Stamp and coin collections, magnet collections on the side of the fridge. Antique doll collections. And then there is my artwork and books, and family photos. I’d keep those. Put them in storage. But the collections can go. The furniture I’d give to my father or Krishna sister who moved back from India. She can use them. I’d be free. All I need is my laptop. I’d home school my children, go and see the world and teach them by traveling. And really, the US feels a lot like Germany 1933, and its only a matter of time before the dollar really crashes and the nutty militias who have been loading up on bullets and homemade bombs start coming out of the woodwork. I’m dreaming of a yoga farm in Argentina. I’ve already contacted them. I’ll visit with the King and see, and naturally hang out in Buenos Aires! I’d do anything to get out of Beige-istan, Colorado. I’d do anything not to have to drive I-36 anymore and see nothing but big box, suburban hell. It strangles my soul so much. I need life!
For death can be lurking around the corner, and I no longer can bare to live in Colorado. Something compels me to leave. To see the world, my biggest remaining desire. My children are bored to death in their schools, the budgets are being cut, and after watching Bowling for Columbine again I realize the schools, and American culture period, are not safe.
I no longer can participate either in the American way of life. I want to ditch my car, not consume oil, but walk. I am tired of the endless drone of media that speaks nothing of the outside world. I am tired of my countries terrorism in other countries, its terrible foreign policy that I am apart of.
As for Speer, I have Gilbert managing the place. The hairdresser couple skipped out on me, leaving the place a mess. Gilbert got it cleaned up and filled again. The neighborhood is in high demand, thank goodness. I will have the people in the basement start painting in the spring to make it look better and slowly raise the rents over time. The King helped me catch up on the mortgages and I am so grateful. I had been living off the mortgages and paying off some medical bills with them, because since October I had to slow down and take care of myself and children rather than work because things were just Oh, too stressful with Justin letting the house go into foreclosure. I can’t collect from his realtor insurance, despite my lawyer’s best efforts. Next we will try garnishing his wages.
I will be able to hire a manager for Speer and afford it by living abroad, where things are cheaper. I stopped paying my credit cards since I couldn’t afford them any more and since Justin isn’t paying me back the $30k that was to go toward paying them. I am making deals with my creditors to pay them off, and I will save up money for that living abroad. I won’t have to declare bankruptcy. Regardless I will still be self-sufficient, make my business work. Believe in myself, for after all, I am the Queen. And by practicing yoga and meditation and by studying Raja Yoga in particular, I realize once again the power within. That the outside world is an illusion, a game for you to play. I realize the power of your will and mind. You can do anything. You just have to believe it, and amazingly by being outside of Colorado and that harsh climate, the energy has shifted and I truly believe I have that power. Something in Colorado held me back. But now, nothing is held back, especially my love.
And what is life? I have lived 43 years, done pretty much everything I’ve wanted to do, so now I will travel. And also I will teach children. How poverty and ignorance bothers me. I will make my business into a non-profit and start the Storytime Yoga Children’s Mission. I will serve children, teach them the peace I have found through yoga and story, so that they can be peaceful and end the wars, end the madness. Somehow I feel my father’s childhood war experiences will be not forgotten, but remembered as to prevent any more suffering.
Because I believe death is around the corner. I will live a long life, but death is always right there. It’s a good friend. About a month ago, all in one week the Chile earthquake hit, my in-laws were in a terrible car accident in San Antonio, I spent the day at urgent care with my father who was severely ill, and a friend of my late husband drowned in a lake. Another friend came to visit; her mother had died suddenly. It was as if death was coming to remind me of something; life is short, what are you going to do with it? Sit here in this bland culture or are you going to free yourself, go out and explore the world, teach your children about the world, and do something to serve children around the world?
I will go wherever people invite me to teach, put on a training, visit. I will wind this blog down and start on another one, penning my insights on the vast world, its stories and customs, to share with people. I will write my memoir, what to call it? Memoirs of a Yogini perhaps. Because the Queen is very happy. She has found that faith inside her, that everything has had its purpose, to bring her into complete faith, complete surrender, and to learn the power of yoga and storytelling. That she is sustained by the race of Lord Shiva, and he’s asking her to go out now. Go out into the world and journey, teach. Have a mission. And that mission is love. The great love I feel for the world. Even though it seems so horribly shrouded by evil at every turn, there is just as much love. The love I have for my children, the love I have for my King. The love I have for the divine. It’s a great sense of trust, of adventure, of fulfilling destiny. Yes, The Queen must take a risk. She will let everything go, and she will follow her heart, wherever it leads her.
I am at sea on a cruise ship, heading back from Cartagena, Colombia for Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. We have been on a two-week cruise. It was a much-needed escape. The winter was indeed hard and long. I was so grateful we missed several heavy snowstorms and I danced in delight in the warm, humidity on the first day of spring when we were in Mexico. My hair has body, my skin glows, my nails grow. Such earthly paradise!
There was so much moist green in Mexico, Guatemala, Panama and Colombia. Things grow here in abundance. Such a contrast from Colorado. Truly I feel an energy shift. It’s powerful. Like a release. I am free on an inexplicable level. Could it be the haunting of the past must be left behind? My traumatic childhood, my husband’s death? My ex-husband’s looting me? To let that all go. Pack up and leave. I feel reborn, as If a second half of life is opening up. And having the King in my life makes such a difference, too. A companion, a confidant, a lover. I don’t wake up panicked and stressed. There is someone by my side. This makes me feel more confident in myself than ever, as I have been alone most of my life, and now I am not.
Strangely, I have this intense urge to rid myself of possessions and wander freely. All the loss from my ex-husband’s real estate shenanigans, even ending up with my property, it no longer bothers me. What is loss? What is gain to the sage? In my life I have seen so much come and go, it just keeps coming and going, but I’m still here above to keep coming and going and be. You really don’t need much in life at all. The American Dream is a lie, a con, a farse. The materialistic capitalistic world cuts us off from our inner dimension in which everything is provided in joy. What power a wandering ascetic has, to own nothing, but his faith. Even a man on the corner, who lost his job, his sign reads, “Lost everything except my faith.” How I have been there several times before how true. Those demons and difficulties, they make your strong, faithful and powerful. Everybody should be so lucky as I to lose everything, for your find yourself in the process.
I realize how hindering it is to have things, keep up with them and keep them up. Before I married my first husband, most of what I owned fit in the back of a car. He convinced me otherwise, that it was a mark of success to own things, have a big house. With marriage to him my possessions exploded – furniture, tools, hardware, books, gym equipment, kitchen gadgets, cars, and all the stuff you need to maintain them. When he died I had a massive estate sale, got rid of half of it, but when the movers moved me to a tiny house they still said, “Lady, you have a lot of stuff.” I was horrified. I got rid of more stuff, But the handyman I hired to remodel the place called me a “clutter fuck,” I knew there was something wrong. Then I remarried, and a lot of my possessions were stolen by Justin or his mother and sister, which whittled things down a bit.
I realize now that most of my stuff is collections. I have this fascination with artistic artifacts that decorate my house: antique salt and pepper shakers, antique cameras, antique pins and buttons, antique books, indigenous weaving collections, a collection of incense burners which I gave to my father. Stamp and coin collections, magnet collections on the side of the fridge. Antique doll collections. And then there is my artwork and books, and family photos. I’d keep those. Put them in storage. But the collections can go. The furniture I’d give to my father or Krishna sister who moved back from India. She can use them. I’d be free. All I need is my laptop. I’d home school my children, go and see the world and teach them by traveling. And really, the US feels a lot like Germany 1933, and its only a matter of time before the dollar really crashes and the nutty militias who have been loading up on bullets and homemade bombs start coming out of the woodwork. I’m dreaming of a yoga farm in Argentina. I’ve already contacted them. I’ll visit with the King and see, and naturally hang out in Buenos Aires! I’d do anything to get out of Beige-istan, Colorado. I’d do anything not to have to drive I-36 anymore and see nothing but big box, suburban hell. It strangles my soul so much. I need life!
For death can be lurking around the corner, and I no longer can bare to live in Colorado. Something compels me to leave. To see the world, my biggest remaining desire. My children are bored to death in their schools, the budgets are being cut, and after watching Bowling for Columbine again I realize the schools, and American culture period, are not safe.
I no longer can participate either in the American way of life. I want to ditch my car, not consume oil, but walk. I am tired of the endless drone of media that speaks nothing of the outside world. I am tired of my countries terrorism in other countries, its terrible foreign policy that I am apart of.
As for Speer, I have Gilbert managing the place. The hairdresser couple skipped out on me, leaving the place a mess. Gilbert got it cleaned up and filled again. The neighborhood is in high demand, thank goodness. I will have the people in the basement start painting in the spring to make it look better and slowly raise the rents over time. The King helped me catch up on the mortgages and I am so grateful. I had been living off the mortgages and paying off some medical bills with them, because since October I had to slow down and take care of myself and children rather than work because things were just Oh, too stressful with Justin letting the house go into foreclosure. I can’t collect from his realtor insurance, despite my lawyer’s best efforts. Next we will try garnishing his wages.
I will be able to hire a manager for Speer and afford it by living abroad, where things are cheaper. I stopped paying my credit cards since I couldn’t afford them any more and since Justin isn’t paying me back the $30k that was to go toward paying them. I am making deals with my creditors to pay them off, and I will save up money for that living abroad. I won’t have to declare bankruptcy. Regardless I will still be self-sufficient, make my business work. Believe in myself, for after all, I am the Queen. And by practicing yoga and meditation and by studying Raja Yoga in particular, I realize once again the power within. That the outside world is an illusion, a game for you to play. I realize the power of your will and mind. You can do anything. You just have to believe it, and amazingly by being outside of Colorado and that harsh climate, the energy has shifted and I truly believe I have that power. Something in Colorado held me back. But now, nothing is held back, especially my love.
And what is life? I have lived 43 years, done pretty much everything I’ve wanted to do, so now I will travel. And also I will teach children. How poverty and ignorance bothers me. I will make my business into a non-profit and start the Storytime Yoga Children’s Mission. I will serve children, teach them the peace I have found through yoga and story, so that they can be peaceful and end the wars, end the madness. Somehow I feel my father’s childhood war experiences will be not forgotten, but remembered as to prevent any more suffering.
Because I believe death is around the corner. I will live a long life, but death is always right there. It’s a good friend. About a month ago, all in one week the Chile earthquake hit, my in-laws were in a terrible car accident in San Antonio, I spent the day at urgent care with my father who was severely ill, and a friend of my late husband drowned in a lake. Another friend came to visit; her mother had died suddenly. It was as if death was coming to remind me of something; life is short, what are you going to do with it? Sit here in this bland culture or are you going to free yourself, go out and explore the world, teach your children about the world, and do something to serve children around the world?
I will go wherever people invite me to teach, put on a training, visit. I will wind this blog down and start on another one, penning my insights on the vast world, its stories and customs, to share with people. I will write my memoir, what to call it? Memoirs of a Yogini perhaps. Because the Queen is very happy. She has found that faith inside her, that everything has had its purpose, to bring her into complete faith, complete surrender, and to learn the power of yoga and storytelling. That she is sustained by the race of Lord Shiva, and he’s asking her to go out now. Go out into the world and journey, teach. Have a mission. And that mission is love. The great love I feel for the world. Even though it seems so horribly shrouded by evil at every turn, there is just as much love. The love I have for my children, the love I have for my King. The love I have for the divine. It’s a great sense of trust, of adventure, of fulfilling destiny. Yes, The Queen must take a risk. She will let everything go, and she will follow her heart, wherever it leads her.
